Sunday, 8 May 2011

Drunk Tales #1

Ahhh, ummmmm, this is the place where am supposed to write stuff for the entertainment of others.

OK so how about the 2nd time I got drunk on Vodka. Why not the 1st you ask, Well thats a pretty short story. Drank some Vodka...Walked home....was sick in a bowl....put head in bowl....begged mother not to tell father....went to bed for 2 days.

The 2nd time is much more interesting.

It was a sunny saturday, I was 17 and because I was the oldest looking I was nominated to go to the Off Licence and purchase said beverage. The sales person obviously knew I wasn't the legal age because I bought 4 half bottles instead of just buying 2 regular bottles, while sweating profusely but its Ireland so, you know.

Anyways so of we went down a big steep hill to the riverside, 5 of us in total. This was at a time before mobile phones could play music so we had a battery powered radio and for the 1st hour or so everything was relaxed and we were all just enjoying the sun and music.

Then for reasons unknown, a person we shall call Boy #2, lifted boy #3's cigarettes and threw them in the water. So being slightly drunk #2 stripped to his underwear and dived in after them. He retrieved his cigs but by the time he got out of the water we had hidden his clothes. He spent the better part of the day in his skivvies, trying to smoke the retrieved cancer sticks.

As the day drew on we got drunker and drunker and this is where my memories become fainter and fainter. I vaguely remember chasing a heard of sheep (???) and attempting to climb a tree.

Then nite started to come in and we decided to go home. This is where my memory comes back to me.

You see I had been seated for most of the days merriments and only then when I stood up I realized my legs had stopped functioning. I managed to stumble from the riverside to the steep hill and thats where the stumbling stopped, for no matter how hard I tried I could not get up that damn hill. Then it dawned on me, if I couldn't go up forward how about backwards.......

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnddd.....Nope didn't work. I was trapped. Everyone was leaving me, legs included. I had at this point dropped to a crawling position. It was dark and I was lonely so I said "Fuck it" and proceeded to crawl up the hill....... to no avail.

Then "BING" a little lightbulb went off. "GO UP THE HILL IN A BACKWARDS CRAWL" and you know what it worked. I made it to the top, I had conquered the dam hill and in celebration, I puked my guts up at the top.

Eventually we all got in a taxi and headed back to guy #4's house. A few sick stops later and we where there. I spent the night sleeping on a hard bathroom floor with a tissue thin blanket, shivering and retching to bout 10 in the morning. With a dog periodically checking up on me to see if I was still alive.

O.K. How was that? All amused and entertained. Good.

Me and Vodka do not mix well, haven't been drunk on the stuff since this "incident". I have other good drunk tales but I'll save them for the dry spells. :)

Till next time... Peace. ( really gotta come up with a better sign off! )


Rachel said...

What a nice wee doggie. Looking after you like that

Kylie Gilchrist said...

You really gotta come up with a new sign off... :P

You where 17 the 2nd and obv didn't learn anything from the I have no sympathy! Harden yi...aha! x